Frustration

Lots has happened over the past few days, but I've been too tired and frustrated to post about it. The short version is that it feels like no one is on the same page at R's school and everyone is confused about how to proceed. I have submitted a request for an IEP meeting, which should happen before October 13. I keep coming back to the same question: why is it so difficult to get R what he needs to succeed academically, behaviorally and socially? I see this wonderful, amazing, smart kid--and, yes, he's challenging at times--but, is it so hard for other people to see all the potential in him? It is so draining to have to fight this battle year after year after year.

I'm tired and need whatever positive thoughts, prayers, etc. you have to offer.

Worn out mama

Today, when I took R. to school, guess what...another substitute. This one had never seen R., had no notes from the teacher about R., nothing. I was not about to leave R. in the classroom with someone who didn't know anything about how to deal with him, so I went down to the office and found the school counselor. In the middle of our conversation, the school OT called me on my cell phone, and I went out in the hallway to take her call. It turns out that she wasn't exactly happy with the way the autism specialist was handling R's case, and she (the school OT) advised me to call an IEP meeting ASAP and get everyone there (of course, I was already on my way to do that, but had been waiting for the autism specialist's report). The school OT voiced her worry that we were losing R. academically, and that we needed to figure out what he needed in order to have success in this realm. Of course, I mentioned that what he needs is a one-on-one aide. She stated (yet again...I've heard this from so many people now) that they are moving away from the one-on-one aide model. The next time someone says that, my response will be, "Then, what are you moving toward?" I have still not had that question answered.

Anyway, by the time I had gotten off the phone with her, someone from the office had told me that R. was going to be with his old Resource teacher today (this is someone who R. loves...she is fabulous with him and I'm so sad that she's no longer his teacher...she is assigned K-2 only). I went up to her room to check on R. before I left and found him with the biggest smile on his face helping her out with a group of kindergarteners. Oh, and she said he'd already finished his math work for the day. Bravo

A little sunshine

It's Wednesday and we've received no phone calls from the school in so long...I've stopped cringing every time my cellphone rings. So, the good news is that R. seems to have settled into the routine of school, and is not acting out aggressively these days.

When my mom was visiting last week, she decided to visit R.'s school on Friday and observe what goes on during his day (she also got to help put together some cool science kits that they are using this week!). Her observations were that R. is wearing his headphones almost all day and while he is behaving well, he is not connecting with the other kids and is not participating in the classroom activities like he should be. I told her that this was probably because we were trying to deal first with the more pressing issue of getting him to stop acting out aggressively...that was my primary concern at the beginning of school. But now that we've reached that goal, my next concern is his academics and social skills.

The good news is that, unbeknownst to me, the school OT had contacted the head of Autism Services for the public school system (I didn't even know that this person existed!) and she has come to observe R. this week. She asked lots of questions about his IEP, and I think she is going to be a great resource in getting R. the services that he needs. The teacher seemed very optimistic about this and said that they may be calling an IEP meeting soon to discuss this person's findings/recommendations. Yahoo! It is always amazing to me when the system works correctly...

So, hooray for the school OT, hooray for R's classroom teacher for hanging in there with him, and hooray for R. for doing the best he can every day.

Good week

It's....Thursday? It's been a busy week for me at work, so I haven't posted all week, but no news is good news, as they say, and R. has had a fairly good week. His video game (Lego Star Wars 2: The Original Trilogy) came out on Tuesday, and that's all he's been talking about. The good thing is that this gives us a powerful reinforcer for him ("when you finish your homework, then you can play Lego Star Wars"). We finally had to tell him to quit talking about it yesterday...there's only so much you can hear about one topic before it drives you insane!

And I met with the behavioral consultant on Wednesday. She is amazing...gave us all sorts of good information about how best to deal with school. Most importantly, she talked about helping him to develop social skills and how it is important to teach him to deal with breaks in his routine, unexpected changes, etc. I realized how much we just work around R's obsessions and habits, but that he will have to deal with people who don't do that out in the "real world" one day. She gave me so much hope and support in what we are trying to do with R. I'm looking forward to working with her.

My mom is coming to visit today, so we plan to have a fun weekend with Nana. Good days all around this week...perhaps the sun is finally breaking through the clouds!

Substitute

(Reading that blog post title reminds me of the Who song...)

Monday morning, we walk into R's class full of enthusiasm for a new week (that was me, at least), and we're confronted with a substitute. R starts freaking out, and I try to calm him down. The sub introduced himself and said that he had subbed for R's class before, and he knew all about him. He seemed very sure of himself, so I left R in capable hands (I hope). The good news is that it is after 3:00 p.m. and I had no phone call today, so that usually means nothing awful happened.

R. and Z. seemed to enjoy Macbeth this weekend...it was a very interesting production with lots of Asian influences. Of course, I had explained beforehand to R. that Macbeth was set in Scotland (he knows he has Scottish ancestors; I was attempting to make it relevant to him), so he was very confused. He kept asking, "How could it be Scottish and Japanese at the same time?" So, Z. helped me to explain that it was like when SpongeBob goes back in time on some episode of that cartoon. This seemed to work for R.

My mom comes to visit this week and she has plans to visit R's classroom. Also, we meet with the behavioral consultant tomorrow. More on this later.

Friday at last!

So, R. got all of his eight stickers yesterday (a first!), but it turns out that, at the very end of the day, he kneed his good friend in the groin. The friend was trying to help R. and touched one of his tools (a "squishy ball"). R. interpreted this wrongly as his friend trying to take away his squishy ball, thus the aggression. The result is that this little boy no longer wants to be R.'s friend. R. seemed sad about it this morning, but it is a natural consequence of his action. It's important for him to understand this as he figures out better ways to communicate to people around him. And, hopefully, his friend will be able to forgive him somewhere down the road.

No phone calls from school today...that's one whole week with no phone calls for those of you who are counting! We have plans to go see Shakespeare in the Park this weekend--it's Macbeth, which I hope will hold R. and his sister, Z.'s attention. Here's to the weekend and no homework--yahoo!

:-)

Over the hump

It's Thursday, and R. has had a great week. I hope I'm not jinxing anything by saying that before Friday afternoon.

His teacher wanted to try something new today...instead of him coming in and going directly to his "quiet space," she wanted him to go to his desk and start his morning work. If he did this, she said that she would give him 20 minutes on the class computer. Well, he balked a bit at first, and I thought he wouldn't be able to get it together at all. But, I made him put on his headphones, put his "hug belt" on him and his weighted lap pad, and he did it! He was worried about the regrouping in math (he hates it when he has to regroup in addition or subtraction...it messes up his sense of order!), but I helped him through the first few problems. He seemed to be able to do it in his head (he doesn't like writing the extra numbers at the top of the problem). So many things that make no sense to rest of us, but make perfect sense to him.

The bottom line is that he got over the hump. I left him happily working on the class computer. Fingers crossed for no phone calls from school!

Breathe

Sometimes, I think, "really, he's going to be okay. He's closer to 'normal' than so many others like him." Sometimes, as I watch him roll on the floor at school and refuse to do his work, I worry. Then, I take a step back. And realize that parenting is parenting, regardless of the challenges your child brings to you.

Just don't forget to breathe.

Little Fishy

Had to get to an early meeting this morning, so I left R. in his "quiet corner" in his classroom today. Typically, I try to get him started on his work (or at least get him to sign his contract), but not this morning. No phone calls yet from school (it's almost 11 a.m.), so my fingers are crossed.

Not much news to report; we had a very relaxing Labor Day holiday. We did go swimming at the Y, and R. loved it! He even played with a little boy there who he knew from his after-care place. I'm thinking that swim team could be his thing...it's not a true team sport and the only rule is to stay in the lanes and stay afloat. I don't know how he would do with being timed, though. For now, it's just a great fun skill that he has learned and I'm so proud of him for being brave enough to jump in the deep end.

R-ism

Yesterday in the car:

R: Mom, if there was a grade of "G," what would it stand for?
Me: Umm...well, it would have to be less than an "F," I guess. And an "F" is already a failure.
R: Then "G" would stand for "Gigantic Failure!"

:-)